| The wrong way and the Harris way re-write |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|04:32 pm] |
The wrong way, and the Harris way re-write
A short story by Samworrallnovel. When Harris and Frank’s worst enemy, Bobby Lichenin gets a wireless, and Frank and Harris need to pay for one they broke when visiting a friend in the east, they make it there mission to steal this to pay for the one they broke! Enjoy!
‘Look at him, waking around, what a show off’, remarked Harris to Frank as they watched out of the window of there local pub’
‘I know, he just wants to rub out faces in it that his new wireless is going to make him very popular, whilst we’re still stuck here, just drinking beer all day.
‘And we’re wastin’ out money here. We still owe Ryan for HIS wireless that we broke. God, could life get much better’, said Frank, scowling in anger.
A huge smile spread across Harris’s face.
‘Ohhh Frank! He said
‘What, what is it, your interrupting me from my scowling’, replied Frank.
‘I’ve just had, a brilliant idea, follow me’. He got up, and walked towards the door of the pub, hitting several people in the face as he did so with his bag that he was carrying. ‘Yeah, what you going to do ‘bout it’, he glared at them ferociously.’ Not my fault your head got in the way. And they both walked out.
‘So what’s this master plan of yours then’? Asked Frank.
‘Well, it’s quite simple really’. He stopped for a second to break a young boy’s catapult, and then continued, ‘All we have to do is rob Bobby’s wireless, to give to Ryan. We get to wipe that smug smile off his face, and we get to pay back a good mate, we kill two birds with one stone. Simple. You see Frank; you just don’t have the logic like me. There’s the wrong way, and then there’s the Harris way.
‘Isn’t that the wrong way’? Smirked Frank to Harris.
‘Do you want to be involved in my master plan or not. Come on, I’ve got some stuff back at my house’, and with that, Harris set off down the street.
Two big boxes, full of hammers, screwdrivers, chisels, you name it, it was in these boxes.
‘What’s this then? Asked Frank.
‘This’, replied Harris’ Is my burglar kit. Ahh yes, my good old burglar kit. I’ve had some good times with this.
‘Yeah whatever, anyway, so just these lot is it’, asked Frank.
‘No, just take the hammer and the screwdriver and the crowbar to begin with’, said Harris. ‘We’re gonna have us a wireless for Ryan, ohh yeah’, and he closed the front door.
As they walked along and ruined little kids fun, Harris and Frank talked about how they couldn’t wait to see the look on old Bobby’s face when he was that his wireless was gone. Plus, the could pay Ryan back. Smiles all round. They came to his front door, and then went round the back. They knew he was out with his wife as they had seen them down at the market just a few minutes earlier.
‘Right, I’ll smash the glass, and you check that no ones around’ Said Harris.
Harris put a rock through the window of Bobby’s house. Luckily, they lived quite a way outside the village, so no one lived next to them, so no one heard. Harris undid the lock on the inside. They both walked in.
Inside was big, with plenty of space for things. They looked around in the first room they went in to. No wireless here. Second room, no wireless, but in the third room, they found something which shocked even them. It was the biggest of the three, and was full to the brim of rare, exotic animals. Frank and Harris looked at each other in amazement.
‘I’ve heard of these places. They deal in animals on the black market, only to be sold on again at another place like it’, Explained Frank, with an air of wisdom about him.
‘He he’, chuckled Harris, wait there. He went into the kitchen and came back with a notebook and a pen. In it he wrote:
Dear Bobby,
When on a trip to see your beautiful face (as if), we stumbled upon your rare animals farm. As I’m sure you aware of, these such things are illegal in this country, so as payment, I will be taking your wireless, and I’ve smashed your window (Ha!). If you dare to tell the police about out little encounter, I promise to make yours and your wife’s life a misery, and I will tell the police about your little secret.
Yours hatefully,
H.H and F.C
‘There, I’d like to try and see him meddle with us now’, said Harris. He slammed the book upon the table, picked up the wireless, which he ha now spotted in the room next door, and walked out casually.
‘Now, how are we gonna get this back to Ryan, he lives miles away’, said Harris.
‘Harris’, said Frank in a high tone.
‘Yes, my dearest chum’, he replied sarcastically.
‘You know how you said just before we left the house that Bobby could get put away for a logn time for running an illegal animal farm’.
‘Yes’?
‘Would he get put away for longer than us if we took his motorbike’? He grinned cheekily, nodding at Bobby’s brand new bike.
They rode along the road with the wind whistling in there hair. They sang a tune as they went:
We’ve robbed Bobby’s motorbike
He’s never gonna get it back.
He’ll hunt and hunt, and search and search,
Ohhh, we’ve robbed his bike.
They laughed and continued to hum and sing merrily all the way to Ryan’s house, about 15 miles away. As they approached the house, they thought they recognized a familiar face in the crowd.
‘Bobby’, the both said at once, and looked at each other in panic.
‘What we gonna do, huh, what we gonna do’? Said Harris almost hysterically.
Calm down, he can’t rat on us, otherwise he’ll get put away with us. Besides, it won’t make much of a difference to yours or my criminal record, they already as long as I thought you could get’, replied Frank, and he chuckled.
‘Your right, I’m calm and collected, I’m calm and collected’, breathed Harris heavily.
They got slowly off the bike, and walked up towards Bobby. To there shock and horror, they saw that he was taking to Ryan! They carried on walking.
‘Remember Harris, he can’t rat us up, just keep saying that.
He did keep saying that, up until where he reached Bobby and Ryan.
‘Oh, hello lads, aww nice one, you brought back me wireless, I’ll let you borrow it sometime’, said Ryan cheerfully.
‘But, that’s mine, and so’s that bike over there’, spluttered Bobby. ‘You thieve, give it here’, he continued.
They rolled around on the floor in a scrap, punching and kicking each other.
‘Great plan you said’, Angered Harris, looking really mad’.
‘Just shut up and keep on running’, screamed Frank, leave the bike just run’.
‘Oh great, now I have to walk home’! He screamed madly.
The pair ran until they where out of site, and there legs turned to jelly.
‘Great, now we’ve got to walk home, and Bobby will be really mad with us when he gets back’.
‘Just remember the plan, he can’t snitch on us, otherwise we’ll snitch on him’, replied Frank.
The two argued all the 15 miles it was back to the village, where the immediately downed 3 pints each. |
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| The wrong way, and the Harris way |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|08:43 am] |
The wrong way, and the Harris way.
A short story by Samworrallnovel. When Harris and Frank’s worst enemy, Bobby Lichenin gets a wireless, and Frank and Harris need to pay for one they broke when visiting a friend in the east, they make it there mission to steal this to pay for the one they broke! Enjoy!
‘Look at him, waking around, what a show off’, remarked Harris to Frank as they watched out of the window of there local pub’
‘I know, he just wants to rub out faces in it that his new wireless is going to make him very popular, whilst we’re still stuck here, just drinking beer all day.
‘And we’re wastin’ out money here. We still owe Ryan for HIS wireless that we broke. God, could life get much better’, said Frank, scowling in anger.
A huge smile spread across Harris’s face.
‘Ohhh Frank! He said
‘What, what is it, your interrupting me from my scowling’, replied Frank.
‘I’ve just had, a brilliant idea, follow me’. He got up, and walked towards the door of the pub, hitting several people in the face as he did so with his bag that he was carrying. ‘Yeah, what you going to do ‘bout it’, he glared at them ferociously.’ Not my fault your head got in the way. And they both walked out.
‘So what’s this master plan of yours then’? Asked Frank.
‘Well, it’s quite simple really’. He stopped for a second to break a young boy’s catapult, and then continued, ‘All we have to do is rob Bobby’s wireless, to give to Ryan. We get to wipe that smug smile off his face, and we get to pay back a good mate, we kill two birds with one stone. Simple. You see Frank; you just don’t have the logic like me. There’s the wrong way, and then there’s the Harris way.
‘Isn’t that the wrong way’? Smirked Frank to Harris.
‘Do you want to be involved in my master plan or not. Come on, I’ve got some stuff back at my house’, and with that, Harris set off down the street.
Two big boxes, full of hammers, screwdrivers, chisels, you name it, it was in these boxes.
‘What’s this then? Asked Frank.
‘This’, replied Harris’ Is my burglar kit. Ahh yes, my good old burglar kit. I’ve had some good times with this.
‘Yeah whatever, anyway, so just these lot is it’, asked Frank.
‘No, just take the hammer and the screwdriver and the crowbar to begin with’, said Harris. ‘We’re gonna have us a wireless for Ryan, ohh yeah’, and he closed the front door.
As they walked along and ruined little kids fun, Harris and Frank talked about how they couldn’t wait to see the look on old Bobby’s face when he was that his wireless was gone. Plus, the could pay Ryan back. Smiles all round. They came to his front door, and then went round the back. They knew he was out with his wife as they had seen them down at the market just a few minutes earlier.
‘Right, I’ll smash the glass, and you check that no ones around’ Said Harris.
Harris put a rock through the window of Bobby’s house. Luckily, they lived quite a way outside the village, so no one lived next to them, so no one heard. Harris undid the lock on the inside. They both walked in.
Inside was big, with plenty of space for things. They looked around in the first room they went in to. No wireless here. Second room, no wireless, but in the third room, they found something which shocked even them. It was the biggest of the three, and was full to the brim of rare, exotic animals. Frank and Harris looked at each other in amazement.
‘I’ve heard of these places. They deal in animals on the black market, only to be sold on again at another place like it’, Explained Frank, with an air of wisdom about him.
‘He he’, chuckled Harris, wait there. He went into the kitchen and came back with a notebook and a pen. In it he wrote:
Dear Bobby,
When on a trip to see your beautiful face (as if), we stumbled upon your rare animals farm. As I’m sure you aware of, these such things are illegal in this country, so as payment, I will be taking your wireless, and I’ve smashed your window (Ha!). If you dare to tell the police about out little encounter, I promise to make yours and your wife’s life a misery, and I will tell the police about your little secret.
Yours hatefully,
H.H and F.C
‘There, I’d like to try and see him meddle with us now’, said Harris. He slammed the book upon the table, picked up the wireless, which he ha now spotted in the room next door, and walked out casually. The they both went into a fit of laughter’s. |
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| The break up part 2 |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|10:33 am] |
The break up part 2
Frank sat outside with a cigarette in his hands. ‘Stupid Harris’, he thought. ‘Why does he have to ruin everything for me’? ‘Why does all this have to happen to me’? ‘Why’?
Footsteps came from behind him.
‘Hey’, said Harris glumly.
Frank ignored him and carried on smoking.
‘Look, I know I act stupid sometimes, but I’m still your mate, and I don’t like to see you upset, so, are we cool’, said Harris, still obviously upset about the thing.
‘’Spose so’, replied Frank.
‘Good, now let me show you something’, and Harris walked off at a fast pace, and in through a door though the tent.
The party was under a big red and white striped tent, and was packed with people still. Harris had gone though a little door at one side of the tent. Frank followed him.
‘What’s this’? Asked Frank, looking down at the table with a big grin.
‘I call it the Birthday Surprise. Another thing that cheers me up when I’m down is when people are actually happy with me, rather than angry, so I thought we’d let Maurine’s birthday go with a bang. This cake is the finest around, made from all the best ingredients. If you give it to Maurine as a present from you, instead of me, then she’ll be happy with you’, explained Harris.
‘So, that’s all I have to do’? Asked Frank.
‘Call it an apology from me’, smiled Harris. And so the plan went ahead, with Frank giving Maurine her extra special birthday cake. Frank loved the idea, and had totally forgiven Harris for bringing his ex-wife to the party, who’d left by now.
‘Are you ready?, There just about to sing Happy Birthday’, whispered Harris from behind the curtain to Frank.
‘Yeah, and thanks again for doing this for me Harris, it was real kind of you, the cake must of cost a packet to’! Said Frank excitedly.
‘Err, yeah; cost a lot….From... Can’t remember. Quick, here they go.
Everyone started to sing Happy Birthday to Maurine in high spirits, laughing and joking around as they did it. Frank wheeled his huge cake out on a cart that he had got from his garden. Everyone turned round, to see two policemen standing in the door of the tent.
‘There he is, the one with the abnormally large cake’, yelled the taller of the two policemen.
‘What, what have I done’? Said Frank, looking bemused.
‘Harris Hurley, I’m arresting you…’ The police said all the usual stuff, but this time, Frank was actually innocent.
‘I tell you, I’m innocent’, yelled Frank, tell them Harris’. Harris just stood behind a curtain and hid. He didn’t know what to do anymore, it had all just happened so fast, that he hadn’t of known what to do.
‘You didn’t tell me the cake was stolen Harris, you fool’! I hate you Harris Hurley... His voice trailed off in the distance.
Frank sat in the police station later that day looking so sad, and he had obviously been crying. He just wanted his life back.
A knock on the door came into Frank’s ears, and then a familiar face popped his head round the door.
‘Hey’, said the real Harris Hurley.
‘I hope you’re happy with yourself now, I hope you are, I hope you….’
‘Don’t worry about it, I’ve owned up, and that’s something new for me, I never own up’, said Harris in a tone barely above a whisper.
‘I hope they make you do a lot of community service. First you bring my ex-wife to the party who’d I’d just broke up with, then you get me put in a cell for 5 hours, and then you decide to say your sorry’, Frank went on.
‘I did say I’m sorry, and I owned up didn’t I’? Retaliated Harris in his own defence. ‘I got 50 days community service, so what more do you want.
‘I want my life back’!!! Sobbed Frank. Harris came and put his arm around his shoulder. He cried for hours in that cell…
‘You missed a bit’, said Frank to Harris. They where standing at the side of a road, or rather, Frank was, supping on a beer, whilst Harris was down on the road, scrubbing it, as part of his community service. ‘I could get used to this, this is the life, and what’s better, I found someone else. I think my life’s finally getting back on track. He took another sip form the can.
‘Go and get us a can, would you’? Asked Harris.
‘Sure, wait there’, said Frank. And so that’s how the day ended. Frank watching Harris doing community service, Harris doing community service whilst drinking beer, and best of all, Frank had part of his life back… |
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| The break up part 1 |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|08:25 pm] |
The break up part 1
A short story by Samworrallnovel. In the episode, Frank’s wife leaves him for someone else, and as usual, Harris is really insensitive towards the fact that he might be upset, and takes him out to find someone else at a friend’s birthday party. Enjoy!
Frank was still looking miserable. His wife and kids had left him, and there was nothing he could do to make them change there mind. They had said ‘You stop hanging around with that Harris, or I’m leaving you. The pair of you, showing me up every time we go out in public’. Frank had ran over there next door neighbours dog the next day, which seemed to push her a bit to far. So Frank was one the dole, had Harris chirruping on in his ear, and his wife and left him. What a week!
‘Now, I thought that we could go down to promtown park this afternoon, and ruin some little kids fun, what do you say’? Whittered Harris down him ear.
‘Any other life but this one, Harris, any other but this’, he replied, and then he began to cry.
‘Oh, don’t cry. Was it because the slide was to heavy to push over last time we went? Huh, Frank, huh, is that the problem? Frank, oh Frank’?
‘WHAT’!!! Screamed Frank down Harris’s ear, ‘What is your problem…Jesus’…
‘O.k., just chill out for a bit man. Now are you gonna tell me what’s bothering you or not, I’m a very good listener, I have practice listening to the police yak on in my ear’, said Harris.
‘She’s left me’.
‘Who has’? Your cat?
‘No, hazel, she’s left me’, sobbed Frank.
‘Do you know what cheers me up when I’m down’? Asked Harris.
‘No, what’? Replied Frank
‘A good birthday bash, there’s one going on for Maurine right now, if you like’, said Harris to Frank.
‘Maybe, I’ll get back to you’, said Frank, and he put his head down again. Sure enough, Frank rang Harris later that afternoon.
‘Yeah, Harris, it’s me, I’ve thought about it, and yes, lest go’, said Frank down the phone.
‘Great, I’ll be right over’ replied Harris to Frank.
Franks door knocker sounded, and there stood Frank at the front door, holding what looked like a portable phone.
‘Hey, cool contraption. Is that what you rang me on’, said Frank.
‘Yeah, I think everyone will have on in the future’, replied Harris, putting the contraption in his bag.
‘Maybe, but I don’t think it will catch on’, said Frank.
‘Ah well, what can you do’? And with that they both walked out of Frank’s front door.
The party turned out to be quite crowded, but after a while, Frank started to have fun. The music was good, and the punch tasted very nice indeed. Frank soon forgot about Hazel, and was soon boogying down on the dance floor.
‘Frank’? Said a voice from behind him.
Frank turned round and saw Hazel standing there in a ball gown. She was wearing a big hat, and a jumper.
‘Harris’! Yelled Frank at the top of his voice
‘What, where’s the fire’?
‘You brought me to a party with that there’, he yelled at him.
‘Your point being what exactly’? Asked Harris.
‘Arghhhhhhhhh’, screamed Frank and walked out of the room.
And there will be more from this story tomorrow. |
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| The Circus |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|05:01 pm] |
The circus.
A short story by Samworrallnovel. In this episode, Harris and Franks go to the circus in the hope of finding some fun. They end up being clowns, and having to dress up as women. We join them as they are in there local bar, the Old barn Inn. Just to clear up, this is set in about the 1930’s, just to let you know. Enjoy!
‘Boring’, said Frank, morosely. ‘There’s nothing to do around here.
‘I know what you mean Frank, me lad, I know what you mean’, replied Harris, staring at the ground unblinking. ‘Pull put the list, Frank, lets see what’s left. Frank pulled out a sheet of crumpled up paper from his back pocket, and began to read aloud.
‘Apologised to Mr. Jennkins for wearing his clothes when we thought he was dead’?
‘Check’, said Harris back to him.
‘Apologised to Mrs Wilson for running over her dog’? Said Frank again.
‘Check’.
‘Been to the circus’?
‘Chec…, say that again’? Said Harris, wondering about what he just said.
‘Been to the circus’? Said Frank again.
‘Why did you add that’? Said Harris quite loudly
‘You know, when we ran over John’s dog, I thought we might have had to run away to the circus, so I added it’, said Frank, also quite loudly, making the whole pub turned round in distaste. Frank waved at them all politely, and carried on.
‘Well that’s it, we’ll go to the circus, where’s the nearest one’? Exclaimed Harris loudly.
Frank pulled out another long list that draped all the way down to the floor. He began to read the names and places of circuses across the whole of the north. Harris stopped him.
‘Why have you got that’? He asked.
‘Well, we’ve annoyed so many people, I figure, if I have more circuses to run away to, then they’ll be less chance of catching me, won’t there’.
Harris clapped his head in his hands. ‘Where did you say that first circus was?
‘Just down the road from here, actually. So are we going or what’? Replied Frank
‘Oh yes my friend, we’re going alright’, said Harris in a sinister voice. And so off they toddled down the road to the circus. When they got there, it was jam packed, with people they new right across town.
‘Oh hiya, Mrs. Wilson… How’s the dog’? Asked Frank. She scowled at him and walked off.
‘Well that’s nice to know’, he called after her.
‘Quit messing around, I’m looking for someone, tell me if you spot him. He’s about 6ft high, dark hair, brown eyes, you’ll know his when you see him’, said Harris to Frank.
Harris and Frank looked around for this ‘man’, but got interrupted by a woman tapping them on the shoulder.
‘Oh good you made it’, she said happily. ‘Now, where almost ready for you, but not quite yet.
‘Made it for what’? Asked Harris.
‘The show of course, you are the judges for the dog show, aren’t you’? Asked the lady again
Harris and Frank looked at each other. They hated dogs, and would kick one if they ever saw it. The looked at each other, and ran away. The women followed in pursuit.
‘Come back, wait’, she yelled at them. Harris and Frank dodged inside a tent full of dressing up clothes.
‘Quick, shove these on’, said Frank in a whisper.
‘But there women’s clothes, I can’t do that’! Exclaimed Frank loudly.
‘Shhhhhhh, she’ll here you. Now just hurry up and get them on’, said Harris in a whisper whilst shouting.
Two horrible looking ladies walked out of the tent in which two men entered. Frank wore a green cardigan and skirt, whilst wearing a brown wig. Harris emerged wearing a pink dress, with a gold jumper on. They looked a right sight!
They walked fast, making for the exit, but the women of doom stopped them in there tracks. Frank and Harris had been cornered.
‘Have you seen two Beefy looking men, one wearing blue, and the other black’, she asked the fake women.
The ‘women’, shook there heads and tried to dodge round her, but she blocked them in there path.
‘And where are you going’? She asked with a stern tone about her voice. ‘You have a jam contest to judge, and you promised you would do it, you said to me ‘Yes, I’ll be more than happy to judge the jam making contest for you, I love jams you said, yes, that’s what you said’.
Frank and Harris turned pale, they hated jams, almost as much as dogs, but the had to follow, the couldn’t refuse. The lady lead them down a narrow passage to a small side stall behind a tent.
‘Here we are’, she said with a brisk step in her voice. ‘Well go on, what are you waiting for’.
Harris and Frank looked at each other, and then both took a spoon full. They faces turned a whiter shade of pale, and there ears went red to the tips (it had that effect on them). They swallowed and quickly said in a ladies voice.
‘Yes defiantly this one’.
‘But you haven’t tried any of the others yet’, said the lady.
‘Nope…..Defiantly this one’, Frank and Harris said to each other.
‘I refuse to let you do this’. They didn’t let her finish.
Frank and Harris didn’t care anymore. They dropped everything, and ran. There wigs fell off in this process.
‘I was going to say without payment’, she called after the, but they where already out of the exit, and heading for home. |
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| Dead mans clothes |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|04:28 pm] |
A short story by Samworrallnovel
Harris Hurely, or H.h, and his mat, Frank, are these two really insensitive guys, who just do what they wnat and say what they wat. Here's one of theres adventures. Hope you enjoy!
'Here old Jenkins died last night then', said Harris Hurely, or H.H, as he was known to his friends. He spoke with a strong notheren accent, and reminded you of a koo-koo clock.
'Which on was Jennkins then, was he the one that looked like a monkey then'?
'No, that was his wife, he's the one that looked like a fish, you know, flappy lips'.
'I am sitting behind you you know', sadi Mrs. Jennkins abuptly.
'Oh, hiya love, you 'right then, good, sorry to here, he was a lovely man as well.
'Here about what, anyway,I just heard what you said about him, impudent young man'
'Your just taking this badly, thats all'
'But I heard you'
'No you didn't'. He turned away and talked to Frank again 'Moody old cow'
'I'm still here' she screamed at H.H loudly, and she walked off.
'Wonder what was up with her then, anyway, as I was saying, since he's died, I'm guessing monkey face over there won't want any of his stuff around the house anymore, sos I'm guessing that she'll be giving it all away. We're gonna have us soem dead mans clothes Frnak, how 'bout that, eh, eh?
Frank clapped his head in his hands, and sighed.
'Come on then, lets go, but you getting them', replied Frank, and they got up out of there seats.
'Have a nice day Mrs. Jennkins, we'll see you soon', sadi Harris. She scowled at him.
Jennkins house turned out to be quite big, and it looked like it had pleanty of space as well.
'Seens preety big, maybe they'll have loads of clothes as well then, since the house if quite big', said Harris to Franks.
'But H.H, how will we know if the clothes fit or not, you've only ever seen him wearing them, never actualy worn them yourslef', replied Frank.
'Yeah, I suppose, perhaps we colud, you know, break in'?
Whatever', replied Franks, so they walked round the back. Frank spotted an open window.
'What about there Frank'? He asked.
'Yeah, give me a leg up come on. Frank pushed up Harrises leg. When we was up H.H pulled up Frank, and they where in the bedroom.
'Now, if I remember correctly, Jennkins keeps his clothes in that closet there, or was it his en- suite... No definatly the closet. Lets try 'em on frank. Frank groaned.
'You go first', said Frank, and so H.H proceded to pull on the pair of torusers and a shirt form the draws. H.h put them on, then went up and down the bedroom like a catwalk. A creak was coming for the en-suite door behind them.
'Hello boys', Jennkins said... |
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